Speaking as an 84 year old mother of four, grandmother of nine, great grandmother of seven, I would have to say that children are the reward of life. Because of my family, I know more about dinosaurs, astronomy, college life, nursing and medical issues, teaching problems, Broadway plays, etc. etc. etc. Your children, etc., have various interests as they grow and learn new things and if you have the ability to listen and pay attention, you will be exposed to so much more information and adventures than you would without them. Being an open minded, positive, adventurous person is the key. If you are a negative person, you should not have children, because you will be a negative parent, and that is not a good thing for the children. Find out what you are and act accordingly. Your children deserve the best you possible.
I've got 4. Love it. It actually gets easier as they get older and start to take care of themselves. Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate and confirm.
Great article. I'm 79. I was terrified to have kids. My father was not a good role model or so it seemed those many years ago. I say seemed because my sister has 4 kids and they've turned out quite well. Anyway, I got married twice. Both wives had one child. The first I knew since she was 3. I figured that was good enough. Then 18 years ago my second wife's daughter had a baby boy. Thankfully she's let me be a part of his life. It's only been in this time that I've figured out that as long as I was able to love him and care for him that all of my fears of being a lousy father didn't mean anything. A major life regret that I didn't experience that joy you've written about. As someone said "Feel the fear...and do it anyway"
I enjoyed reading this very much. As a father of three daughter myself, the joys of watching them grow up to be beautiful, productive adults has been the premier jewel in proverbial crown. Children are a blessing. An unimaginable blessing that is joy (and sometimes heartbreak) unending.
The part where you point out that to parents who 'get it' the complaining is more like telling someone a really funny story.... that's so true! As a mom of 2 under 2 boys, I remember telling my husband my success at capturing spit up, pee, and poop on the changing table in between multiple diapers at a 2 or 3 am change without getting the onesie dirty... someone without kids may view that as a horrifying tale, but for me it was a complete laugh.
Thanks for this essay Nat. I am a parent of youngins, and I am guilty of complaining. This is a really good reminder, reset, perspective refresh for me. They bring unlimited joy into my life, and the biggest difficulties I have really do stem from my attitude.
My first son is 9.5 months old and this has been my experience exactly. I could have written each of these points with the same level of conviction but, like you felt, with only one child, who's not even quite walking, I don't feel like my perspective is "valid" yet. I'm hearing the similar echos of "just wait." It makes me so happy to see your perspective. It's something I feel so deeply and it makes me choked up to know what I'm not alone. You two seem like incredible parents. Perspective and attitude are everything. We're aiming at 2 under 2, and probably 3 under 4. Excited for the moments that look like chaos to others. Thanks Nat!
I'm sorry but it sounds like you've had 3 very easy kids and you and Cosette have plenty of energy to keep up with everything they require. My wife and I have done hard things so we thought having a kid would be difficult but manageable. We couldn't have been more wrong. The birth procprocess long and traumatic, and we have been struggling so hard trying to raise this high maintenance kid for the past 2 years (with help) that it has been completely unsustainable for our mental and physical health. I've developed multiple health issues. My adrenals have tried to shut down every 6 months from burnout. We both have developed clinical depression from the relentless overwhelm. Whenever I'm not working, taking care of the fussy kid, cooking, or cleaning, I'm passed out asleep on the floor from exhaustion. It is a matter of survival for us each day, so we don't know how anyone does this, since we're young and fit with very healthy lifestyles. Consider yourself extremely lucky to have the life you do, because it's not like that for everyone.
Speaking as an 84 year old mother of four, grandmother of nine, great grandmother of seven, I would have to say that children are the reward of life. Because of my family, I know more about dinosaurs, astronomy, college life, nursing and medical issues, teaching problems, Broadway plays, etc. etc. etc. Your children, etc., have various interests as they grow and learn new things and if you have the ability to listen and pay attention, you will be exposed to so much more information and adventures than you would without them. Being an open minded, positive, adventurous person is the key. If you are a negative person, you should not have children, because you will be a negative parent, and that is not a good thing for the children. Find out what you are and act accordingly. Your children deserve the best you possible.
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing Marjenna, sounds like your life is incredibly full of love
I've got 4. Love it. It actually gets easier as they get older and start to take care of themselves. Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate and confirm.
Yes! 2->3 was easier than 1->2 since the big girls have a buddy to play with when we need to focus on our newborn
Great writeup and can't agree more, the attitude is what matters the most.
Thanks Tigran, glad to hear you feel the same
Great article. I'm 79. I was terrified to have kids. My father was not a good role model or so it seemed those many years ago. I say seemed because my sister has 4 kids and they've turned out quite well. Anyway, I got married twice. Both wives had one child. The first I knew since she was 3. I figured that was good enough. Then 18 years ago my second wife's daughter had a baby boy. Thankfully she's let me be a part of his life. It's only been in this time that I've figured out that as long as I was able to love him and care for him that all of my fears of being a lousy father didn't mean anything. A major life regret that I didn't experience that joy you've written about. As someone said "Feel the fear...and do it anyway"
I enjoyed reading this very much. As a father of three daughter myself, the joys of watching them grow up to be beautiful, productive adults has been the premier jewel in proverbial crown. Children are a blessing. An unimaginable blessing that is joy (and sometimes heartbreak) unending.
The part where you point out that to parents who 'get it' the complaining is more like telling someone a really funny story.... that's so true! As a mom of 2 under 2 boys, I remember telling my husband my success at capturing spit up, pee, and poop on the changing table in between multiple diapers at a 2 or 3 am change without getting the onesie dirty... someone without kids may view that as a horrifying tale, but for me it was a complete laugh.
Hahaha I can completely relate. Especially when I risk it by changing them on the bed or couch
Just in time. My wife is 7m pregnant with our first kid. Nice read :)
Congrats!!
Thanks for this essay Nat. I am a parent of youngins, and I am guilty of complaining. This is a really good reminder, reset, perspective refresh for me. They bring unlimited joy into my life, and the biggest difficulties I have really do stem from my attitude.
Thanks Nicholas, I have to remind myself sometimes too
Does your wife work? Genuinely baffling to read a piece like this and at the end have zero clarity on the childcare arrangement.
Yes we both work, can do another piece sometime on how we’ve balanced it
My first son is 9.5 months old and this has been my experience exactly. I could have written each of these points with the same level of conviction but, like you felt, with only one child, who's not even quite walking, I don't feel like my perspective is "valid" yet. I'm hearing the similar echos of "just wait." It makes me so happy to see your perspective. It's something I feel so deeply and it makes me choked up to know what I'm not alone. You two seem like incredible parents. Perspective and attitude are everything. We're aiming at 2 under 2, and probably 3 under 4. Excited for the moments that look like chaos to others. Thanks Nat!
An interesting article and an important point of view.
For me, having kids was harder and lonelier than I imagined. And more joyful and heart-expanding than I could possibly have imagined.
Adding to your caveats: having a child without "special needs" helps.
I'm sorry but it sounds like you've had 3 very easy kids and you and Cosette have plenty of energy to keep up with everything they require. My wife and I have done hard things so we thought having a kid would be difficult but manageable. We couldn't have been more wrong. The birth procprocess long and traumatic, and we have been struggling so hard trying to raise this high maintenance kid for the past 2 years (with help) that it has been completely unsustainable for our mental and physical health. I've developed multiple health issues. My adrenals have tried to shut down every 6 months from burnout. We both have developed clinical depression from the relentless overwhelm. Whenever I'm not working, taking care of the fussy kid, cooking, or cleaning, I'm passed out asleep on the floor from exhaustion. It is a matter of survival for us each day, so we don't know how anyone does this, since we're young and fit with very healthy lifestyles. Consider yourself extremely lucky to have the life you do, because it's not like that for everyone.
This sounds really tough. I hope that it gets easier for all of you.