I struggle with this. I’d say something that quiets this considerably is taking a posture towards yourself of “I love you, it’s ok” like you would comfort a child. This posture means nothing in terms of how hard I will try to achieve a goal, or what is the objective standard of good. It just doesn’t have to be so brutalizing.
Really like that Zen quote, but from my own experience with meditation, the best way I know how to explain it, is not the end result of quieting your mind. Because it's not about removing/avoiding the chatter, but listening to the chatter and making a decision that resolves each chatter, until you realize at some point, wow my mind is clear, everything has been addressed, nothing is stirring.
Also to your point about being a beginner or expert, I listened to Tim Dodd the everyday astronaut on Liv Boeree's podcast Win-Win that came out today. He said something that connected the dots even more for me on intelligence versus knowledge. He said something like, being an expert in something I could answer a question in one sentence, but I'm curious, so much so, I will go on and on explaining something as if I could grab the viewer/students attention at whatever point they will get curious and coming back for more. That he really enjoys when his patreon subscribers will comment that you didn't mention "this," at some point in his video, only to comment a minute later when he does explain it eventually. He loves that. Everyone knows that saying about being able to explain something to a child, but I found this a much more beautiful way to put it. Or as Ted Lasso misquoted Walt Whitman, "Be curious, not judgemental."
I silenced my inner critic by changing my expectations. Instead of trying to write a good article, I just write an article. Instead of getting a bigger bicep, I try becoming healthy.
This was helpful for me, so thank you. I was ruminating on this earlier today & you gave me a new lens on it: we can focus on the end state, the current state, specific achievements/milestones, the gap, and the speed between them all. Focusing on each for too long has its own downfalls, so it's important to rotate attention between them.
Yes, excellent, this resonates with me a lot: "We don’t need to judge ourselves for our imperfections. Rather, we should be grateful for them as potential sources for future growth."
Reminds me of a couple similar things:
-in my daily review, I log both Wins and "OFI" (opportunities for improvement), as a reframe on "Losses". Another mantra is "Win or Learn"
-Compare yourself today to yourself yesterday, not others (paraphrase of one of Jordan Peterson's 12 rules). And "Praise Progress"-- celebrate the little wins and improvements as we enjoy our journey!
Love this essay. Great work. It relates to athletes, too. Athletes need self-doubt to improve. They also need self-confidence to perform. It's an ever fluctuating balance. The problem is getting to caught up in one side. And the antidote is to have a beginner's mind.
If feeling like an expert only prevents having a beginner's mind. 1. Why do we do this? What advantages do we get from it? 2. How can we stop feeling that way?
Maybe the answer is from Ted Lasso, "be curious, not judgmental" like Mystery Skipper said.
Your comment reminded me of my time spent taking improvisation classes at Second City. A lot of corporate folks like myself will take the classes because it makes you more likable in groups. The first 8-week class they teach you many basic concepts of comedy and supporting others in the comedic pursuit. The main concept taught though is the concept of "Yes, and."
This from the website describing the Improv 1 class in Chicago:
"Improv 1 introduces students to the fundamental concept of “Yes, And” in improvisation. Through group exercises and games, students will explore impulse & spontaneity, listening, being present in the moment, taking risks, finding agreement (making & accepting offers) and other basic building blocks of improvisation, all in a supportive environment that embraces the idea of trusting yourself and failing joyfully."
The concept just explains to you that no matter what "gift" your scene partner is giving you, never say no and just shut down the possibility of a joke. Every moment given to you is an opportunity to carry the joke further into funny territory. This requires a lot of cleverness and quick thinking, but it's where the biggest most genuine pops of laughter come from once you start noticing it. You can say no and get offended when you learn how to do it skillfully and still make things funny, but this is why comedians often find "normies," so boring. You simply haven't learned how to carry the joke forward instead of stopping the fun train. This is exactly what I think of in this context of, "Be curious, not judgmental." Keep the brain train steaming ahead don't pull the emergency brakes all the time saying there's only one way to do or think about something. Most people including myself find that my way or highway person at work insufferable due to this in my opinion.
These are such good pointers – it's so easy for us to grow used to our inner critics, and normalize the constant self-criticism.
For me, it also helped to learn to 'trust the process'. Instead of questioning and evaluating myself at every turn, I learned to stick to the plan and set aside time for reevaluation/self-critique at certain milestones/intervals.
Totally agree on everybody numbing their inner critic and unhappiness. Is the common denominator loneliness? Evolved to have 24/day social time and now we dont?
The blind confidence feels so good. I've never been happier than when I was an innocent kid in middle school, thinking I was pretty awesome at most things. But it didn't make me great at anything (other than paradoxically being happy and confident.) On the other hand, one of the best classical musicians in the world was (when I knew him) immensely self critical, while objectively being at the very top.
Your positive solution is great: Byron Katie it. "I /should/ struggle. I /look forward/ to struggling." We are so lucky to have these perfect teachers to improve at the things we care about.
I struggle with this. I’d say something that quiets this considerably is taking a posture towards yourself of “I love you, it’s ok” like you would comfort a child. This posture means nothing in terms of how hard I will try to achieve a goal, or what is the objective standard of good. It just doesn’t have to be so brutalizing.
Really like that Zen quote, but from my own experience with meditation, the best way I know how to explain it, is not the end result of quieting your mind. Because it's not about removing/avoiding the chatter, but listening to the chatter and making a decision that resolves each chatter, until you realize at some point, wow my mind is clear, everything has been addressed, nothing is stirring.
Also to your point about being a beginner or expert, I listened to Tim Dodd the everyday astronaut on Liv Boeree's podcast Win-Win that came out today. He said something that connected the dots even more for me on intelligence versus knowledge. He said something like, being an expert in something I could answer a question in one sentence, but I'm curious, so much so, I will go on and on explaining something as if I could grab the viewer/students attention at whatever point they will get curious and coming back for more. That he really enjoys when his patreon subscribers will comment that you didn't mention "this," at some point in his video, only to comment a minute later when he does explain it eventually. He loves that. Everyone knows that saying about being able to explain something to a child, but I found this a much more beautiful way to put it. Or as Ted Lasso misquoted Walt Whitman, "Be curious, not judgemental."
I silenced my inner critic by changing my expectations. Instead of trying to write a good article, I just write an article. Instead of getting a bigger bicep, I try becoming healthy.
This was helpful for me, so thank you. I was ruminating on this earlier today & you gave me a new lens on it: we can focus on the end state, the current state, specific achievements/milestones, the gap, and the speed between them all. Focusing on each for too long has its own downfalls, so it's important to rotate attention between them.
Yes, excellent, this resonates with me a lot: "We don’t need to judge ourselves for our imperfections. Rather, we should be grateful for them as potential sources for future growth."
Reminds me of a couple similar things:
-in my daily review, I log both Wins and "OFI" (opportunities for improvement), as a reframe on "Losses". Another mantra is "Win or Learn"
-Compare yourself today to yourself yesterday, not others (paraphrase of one of Jordan Peterson's 12 rules). And "Praise Progress"-- celebrate the little wins and improvements as we enjoy our journey!
Love this essay. Great work. It relates to athletes, too. Athletes need self-doubt to improve. They also need self-confidence to perform. It's an ever fluctuating balance. The problem is getting to caught up in one side. And the antidote is to have a beginner's mind.
If feeling like an expert only prevents having a beginner's mind. 1. Why do we do this? What advantages do we get from it? 2. How can we stop feeling that way?
Maybe the answer is from Ted Lasso, "be curious, not judgmental" like Mystery Skipper said.
Your comment reminded me of my time spent taking improvisation classes at Second City. A lot of corporate folks like myself will take the classes because it makes you more likable in groups. The first 8-week class they teach you many basic concepts of comedy and supporting others in the comedic pursuit. The main concept taught though is the concept of "Yes, and."
This from the website describing the Improv 1 class in Chicago:
"Improv 1 introduces students to the fundamental concept of “Yes, And” in improvisation. Through group exercises and games, students will explore impulse & spontaneity, listening, being present in the moment, taking risks, finding agreement (making & accepting offers) and other basic building blocks of improvisation, all in a supportive environment that embraces the idea of trusting yourself and failing joyfully."
The concept just explains to you that no matter what "gift" your scene partner is giving you, never say no and just shut down the possibility of a joke. Every moment given to you is an opportunity to carry the joke further into funny territory. This requires a lot of cleverness and quick thinking, but it's where the biggest most genuine pops of laughter come from once you start noticing it. You can say no and get offended when you learn how to do it skillfully and still make things funny, but this is why comedians often find "normies," so boring. You simply haven't learned how to carry the joke forward instead of stopping the fun train. This is exactly what I think of in this context of, "Be curious, not judgmental." Keep the brain train steaming ahead don't pull the emergency brakes all the time saying there's only one way to do or think about something. Most people including myself find that my way or highway person at work insufferable due to this in my opinion.
These are such good pointers – it's so easy for us to grow used to our inner critics, and normalize the constant self-criticism.
For me, it also helped to learn to 'trust the process'. Instead of questioning and evaluating myself at every turn, I learned to stick to the plan and set aside time for reevaluation/self-critique at certain milestones/intervals.
This was so good I subscribed as a tangible thank you Nat
Weeds create that feeling of progress
that's a whole different way to look at it. Thanks a lot for this post man. it helps a ton!
Totally agree on everybody numbing their inner critic and unhappiness. Is the common denominator loneliness? Evolved to have 24/day social time and now we dont?
The blind confidence feels so good. I've never been happier than when I was an innocent kid in middle school, thinking I was pretty awesome at most things. But it didn't make me great at anything (other than paradoxically being happy and confident.) On the other hand, one of the best classical musicians in the world was (when I knew him) immensely self critical, while objectively being at the very top.
Your positive solution is great: Byron Katie it. "I /should/ struggle. I /look forward/ to struggling." We are so lucky to have these perfect teachers to improve at the things we care about.
Have you heard of Ira Glass' "taste gap"?
https://jamesclear.com/ira-glass-failure