Reading this has made me realise I am actually developing good habits. Being fixated on the idea of doing them daily causes me to think I'm not making any progress. But with things like writing and reading, at times I don't do them often, but I always end up going back to them with even more enjoyment than before.
Your comment resonated with me because I don't always do my habits daily either - I used to get down on myself for that, but NO more! I just pick back up where I left off.
I always enjoy reading your writing because it too feels unforced - and I think tone is often more important for me than hard facts. I think the thing that has always worked for me with forming new habits hasn’t been the speed, but the feel and gratification. Sometimes, it takes time for your mind to realize that you enjoy something before it starts to turn those behaviors into a habit. I think age and society have helped push me into a greater sense of gratification and joy with exercise that my younger self never really appreciated.
Nice essay Nate. I agree with some general concepts here. In my experience, organic strong habits come from:
1. Intention - make it clear and simple
2. Goal - Important one, give yourself space and time to really derive one (or more than one) as you might not know right away or for some time. This is a key component of your essay
3. Accountability - Find a simple way to nudge/remind yourself. For me, I use a simple Google Sheet with daily tracking. Nothing complicated. Not a fancy app. Not full of metrics. Just a binary did I do this or not flag. And over time you a record that acts as a strong motivator - roughly an accidental game for your intentions.
I agree but there's something powerful about the extreme version coming first. Quitting alcohol in what feels an extreme way demonstrates that you can leave it alone for an extended period of time. You've proven your self-control. Then your desires and capacity meet naturally down the line.
It's a little like how people train for endurance events as a motivator to get fit. They'll have a break from running immediately after that half marathon but it's unlikely they'll never pick up running again.
I get the sense the ones we try to force or sprint to are often the should-do's that we see other people doing and feel fomo or are guilted into vs. the ones that develop naturally from more organic, intrinsic motivation.
An underlying thread when it comes to habits is then to really dig deep and uncover what it is you actually want as opposed to mimetic desires that lead to these flash-in-the-pan 30 day sprints we get caught up in.
Great read, the emboldened section is pertinent to my life at the moment. Have saved this essay and will definitely be returning to it in future when I need to be kinder to myself.
Nice thoughts on building habits - it's so true that slow and steady builds a stronger foundation for habits that will actually stick. Sometimes I get after myself for not doing the habit I had built on any given day... and have learned to turn that around --- I say to myself "just do it now". Duhhhhh --- forgive self, do it now, and move on. DONE.
I have completely transformed my life through creating wellness habits and 100% agree with the slowness aspect. Because the truth is, some habits are never fully formed, especially the most difficult to create. We’re always at risk of backsliding. I personally like to focus on the handful that really matter to me, one at a time. I do find that focusing on one at a time naturally helps with the others simply because increased discipline overflows. However it’s a constant vigil because as soon as I get one habit tight, another loosens. It gets better and easier over time, but it’s taken YEARS to get to this point. Slow, steady and willing to start over is the way.
This is so true! It happened with being physically more active for me. I’d do 10/20 days of non stop and fail and feel pathetic and get back. Over the last few years, I have built a very consistent workout routine where I miss fewer and fewer days without trying too hard. Long term intentionality is the key and your essay has captured that very well :)
i’m a 22 y/o who has done the rollercoaster of “all the good habits, all the way, all at the same time” a couple times now and is currently stuck in something of a trough. reading this felt like a breath of fresh air, a reassurance, and somehow the most motivating thing i’ve felt in months.
ironically, i feel sort of similar to the college-age self you described. he must’ve been pretty cool, but i wonder how he would’ve felt knowing the “wisdom of old age” he’d be passing on not too far down the road.
Reading this has made me realise I am actually developing good habits. Being fixated on the idea of doing them daily causes me to think I'm not making any progress. But with things like writing and reading, at times I don't do them often, but I always end up going back to them with even more enjoyment than before.
Glad I could help you give yourself a little credit!
Your comment resonated with me because I don't always do my habits daily either - I used to get down on myself for that, but NO more! I just pick back up where I left off.
I always enjoy reading your writing because it too feels unforced - and I think tone is often more important for me than hard facts. I think the thing that has always worked for me with forming new habits hasn’t been the speed, but the feel and gratification. Sometimes, it takes time for your mind to realize that you enjoy something before it starts to turn those behaviors into a habit. I think age and society have helped push me into a greater sense of gratification and joy with exercise that my younger self never really appreciated.
Nice essay Nate. I agree with some general concepts here. In my experience, organic strong habits come from:
1. Intention - make it clear and simple
2. Goal - Important one, give yourself space and time to really derive one (or more than one) as you might not know right away or for some time. This is a key component of your essay
3. Accountability - Find a simple way to nudge/remind yourself. For me, I use a simple Google Sheet with daily tracking. Nothing complicated. Not a fancy app. Not full of metrics. Just a binary did I do this or not flag. And over time you a record that acts as a strong motivator - roughly an accidental game for your intentions.
Habit tracking is underrated! I always used to wonder what the point was, but it’s incredibly powerful.
I agree but there's something powerful about the extreme version coming first. Quitting alcohol in what feels an extreme way demonstrates that you can leave it alone for an extended period of time. You've proven your self-control. Then your desires and capacity meet naturally down the line.
It's a little like how people train for endurance events as a motivator to get fit. They'll have a break from running immediately after that half marathon but it's unlikely they'll never pick up running again.
I get the sense the ones we try to force or sprint to are often the should-do's that we see other people doing and feel fomo or are guilted into vs. the ones that develop naturally from more organic, intrinsic motivation.
An underlying thread when it comes to habits is then to really dig deep and uncover what it is you actually want as opposed to mimetic desires that lead to these flash-in-the-pan 30 day sprints we get caught up in.
Great read, the emboldened section is pertinent to my life at the moment. Have saved this essay and will definitely be returning to it in future when I need to be kinder to myself.
Thank you for sharing this. Keep up the good work!
Nice thoughts on building habits - it's so true that slow and steady builds a stronger foundation for habits that will actually stick. Sometimes I get after myself for not doing the habit I had built on any given day... and have learned to turn that around --- I say to myself "just do it now". Duhhhhh --- forgive self, do it now, and move on. DONE.
I have completely transformed my life through creating wellness habits and 100% agree with the slowness aspect. Because the truth is, some habits are never fully formed, especially the most difficult to create. We’re always at risk of backsliding. I personally like to focus on the handful that really matter to me, one at a time. I do find that focusing on one at a time naturally helps with the others simply because increased discipline overflows. However it’s a constant vigil because as soon as I get one habit tight, another loosens. It gets better and easier over time, but it’s taken YEARS to get to this point. Slow, steady and willing to start over is the way.
This is so true! It happened with being physically more active for me. I’d do 10/20 days of non stop and fail and feel pathetic and get back. Over the last few years, I have built a very consistent workout routine where I miss fewer and fewer days without trying too hard. Long term intentionality is the key and your essay has captured that very well :)
Habits aren't about changing what you do, they're about changing what you want to do.
This one's a thought provoking one Nate. Killer job.
Is it a habit to brush teeth? Maybe for some. How about putting pants on before going outside? Or waking up?
i’m a 22 y/o who has done the rollercoaster of “all the good habits, all the way, all at the same time” a couple times now and is currently stuck in something of a trough. reading this felt like a breath of fresh air, a reassurance, and somehow the most motivating thing i’ve felt in months.
ironically, i feel sort of similar to the college-age self you described. he must’ve been pretty cool, but i wonder how he would’ve felt knowing the “wisdom of old age” he’d be passing on not too far down the road.
"you have to respect 'time' if you want 'time' to respect your thing" this is something i heard many times during my childhood.
we all have to be kinder with ourselves in this world that feeds us these crazy habits
I dig this. And I agree that my most solid habits are ones that I develop as naturally as possible, for multiple reasons.